A meditation by Pastor David McFarland in the first year his illness (2002)
The past months have been full of noise and upheaval:
The howling winds of weakness
Why can I not keep going like I have always done? Through nearly 34 years of Christian ministry I have never had more enthusiasm or expectancy, yet for the first time a major health issue has intervened. Even sitting in a church service becomes exhausting – changed days! How I wish I could do all the things I want to do!
The earthquake of guilt
There is so much to be done that the load is left on the shoulders of men with busy lives and their own health problems. Should I be doing more? Did I bring this illness about because I unwisely pushed myself? My health problems have placed strains on Joanna’s health. You know how I love the grand children and I cannot do the things we once did together. They try to understand but it is not easy for them.
The fire of frustration
Why does this happen when we have such exciting things planned? When is it going to be resolved? Why should I have to wait so long for medical attention? There is such need in the church and I can’t be involved? We have a busy year ahead in church life and I have to sit at home! I begin to feel well and so little sets me back. I want to be there for those who hurt and I can only be at the end of a phone. Like Elijah, I have been bombarded by such noise and upheaval – but there has been a whisper that has been louder than them all.
The still small voice of His peace.
He cares about me. He has a plan for my life. He has more for me to do for Him. He promises grace sufficient for every day. The frustrations and the guilt and the weaknesses and the fears and the uncertainties fade away when He tell me He loves me and shows me His plan is perfect.
Thank you Lord for your Loud Whispers.